Several years ago, I discovered a grape-sized lump on my left breast. My doctor scheduled outpatient surgery right away. A month later, when I resumed periodic self-examination, I felt the same lump in the same hard-to-reach place. I was certain of it! When I called the doctor to suggest he might have missed the lump in question, he insisted I was wrong. It could not possibly be a lump, he said, because he had removed it. After all, he was the doctor.
I got off the phone, doubting what I’d felt with my own hand. But fear of lethal consequences gave me the courage to insist he re-examine me, at which point he reluctantly acknowledged that, yes, it did seem to be the original lump. He removed it in a second surgery.
In my case, I had to confess that I was stupid because I didn’t understand technical things. Yet, even after acknowledging that I’m actually a pretty intelligent person, I still had to grieve the fact that no amount of classes or training would ever completely solve my technical ineptitude!
Another lie I believed about myself was that I’d been selfish for having only one child. The truth is, I nearly died giving birth to my daughter, and my husband didn’t want to adopt. Still, I spent years feeling like an inferior mother —like I should have trusted God to protect me in subsequent childbirth.
I now believe that —in my case — one child was God’s will for me. I’ve rejected the condemnation. Nevertheless, I had to grieve that I’d never have the houseful of children I’d always wanted.
最近,我問坐在我車裏的一位朋友:“你喜歡自己什麽?”沉默了好幾分鍾後,她轉向我,滿臉歉意地說:“我想不出來。”
我十分詫異,她竟看不到自己的任何優點。她是一個多麽聰明、美麗迷人而又富有同情心的姑娘啊!
我深知並非隻有她一人如此,自尊心較低已成為女性最大的困擾。盡管上帝保證深愛著我們,但我們大多數人不能相信他是說的“我們”。就像憤世嫉俗的編輯對初出茅廬的記者說:“如果你媽媽說她愛你,那就去確認一下吧。”
我已作了十二年的記者,在采訪中我首先學到的是“錯進,錯出”。若你的初始資料有誤,那麽你的結論也不會正確。同理,我們看待自己也是如此。如果我們缺乏自信心,那也是正在操作有錯誤的數據資料。
事實上,通過許多種微妙的方式,我們的信心被文化、家庭、朋友甚至是精神生活共同削弱。我們成長的家庭缺乏肯定、鼓勵和尊重,而這些正是建立自信的基石。於是,我們發現,自己所處的世界推崇好萊塢二流明星和芭比娃娃的形象。我們的薪水、頭銜或者其他人為的標準讓我們臨時步入所謂的上流社會。但是,在內心深處,我們知道它並不真實,那通往真實的道路到底在哪裏呢?
我有科技恐懼症,我的哥哥對此卻極有天賦,能讀懂操作手冊、修理東西、使用電腦。當我為了找工作第一次學習電腦時,我就堅信自己畢生都學不會它。
我痛苦而又清醒地記得,在電腦初學者培訓班裏,老師讓我們“按任意鍵”,我徒勞地尋找“任意”鍵。那堂課終於結束後,我敢確信,自己連開車回家的能力都沒有了,明天打扮得體地去上班就更不可能了,盡管事實上我管理了一棟房子,一個家庭,擁有一份工作,是一個專業的職員。
為什麽會覺得如此丟臉呢?因為,我與隔壁那個10歲的小女孩比較,她輕輕鬆鬆地在網上搜索期末成績,而我煞費苦心隻是想上網。我沒有認為科技能力不是我的強項,而是得出自己很愚蠢這樣的結論,這是不正確的。
我們怎樣尊重別人,別人就會同樣地尊重我們。這就是不自信會暗示別人不要相信我們的原因。
多年來,我努力學習優雅地接受恭維。如果有人誇讚我的頭發,我會不予理會。我會說,我的發型讓我的臉看起來更胖了,或者我的頭發是灰色的。我真正想說的是,肯定會有不足之處,我不值得您稱道。我不喜歡自己,也不相信您會真正喜歡。問題是,如果我們一味貶低自己,最終別人也會相信我們所說的是對的。
有時候,錯誤的信息不是問題,而是我們對自己或處境要有一個正確的判斷。但是,別人一旦質疑,我們就屈從了。
幾年前,我發現自己左胸上長了一個葡萄狀的硬塊。我的醫生立刻安排了一次外科手術。一個月以後,當我繼續做定期體檢時,我感覺在那個地方又發現了相同的硬塊,我確定有。當我打電話給醫生,跟他討論他可能沒有切除掉硬塊時,他堅持說我錯了,不可能有一個硬塊,他說,因為他已經切除了。畢竟,他是醫生。
我掛掉電話,懷疑自己手的感覺。但是,對死亡的恐懼促使我鼓起勇氣,堅持讓他給我重新檢查,他極不情願地指著那個地方承認了,是的,它好像還是原來的那個硬塊。他再次動外科手術切除了。
對我來說,我必須坦白承認,我很愚蠢,因為我不懂技術方麵的東西。但是,承認這個事實後,我的確是一個相當聰明的人。隻是令我悲傷的是,不論多少課程或者培訓都不能完全解決我的技術缺陷。
另一個不正確的觀點是,我自認為很自私,因為我隻生了一個孩子。事實上,生我女兒時我差點喪命,而且,我的丈夫不想收養。許多年來我依然覺得自己是個不稱職的母親,就像我應該信仰上帝會在以後的分娩中保佑我一樣。
對我而言,現在我相信,一個孩子正是上帝的旨意。我拒絕受到譴責。不過,我對於自己不能實現滿屋子孩子的願望,仍感到悲哀。
心靈小語
喜歡自己多一點,自信多一點,別人才會喜歡你,相信你!不管別人怎麽看你,你都要相信,你是唯一的,你是一個有價值、值得愛的人,要以自己特有的姿態去贏得世人注視的目光。
Seize Your Time
According to the speech, match each of the following verbs with its
meaning.
(1) subtle a. having no qualities that would render it valuable or useful
(2) ineptitude b. faint and difficult to analyze
(3) humiliating c. of low or inferior quality
(4) capitulate d. surrender under agreed conditions
(5) inferior e. causing awareness of your shortcomings
Practicing for Better Learning
Do the following statements agree with the information in the reading
text?
Write
TRUE if the statement agrees with the information
FALSE if the statement contradicts the information
(1) The reality is, in hundreds of subtle ways, our culture, family, friends —even our thought life —conspire to improve our confidence
(2) We don’t have an accurate picture of ourselves or a situation, but we capitulate the first time someone challenges us.
(3) We grow up in families void of affirmation, encouragement, and respect — the building blocks to self-confidence. Then we find ourselves smart.