馬克·吐溫/Mark Twain
馬克·吐溫（Mark Twain，1835—1910），美國幽默大師、小說家、著名演說家，19世紀後期美國現實主義文學的傑出代表。作品風格以幽默與諷刺為主，既富於獨特的個人機智與妙語，又不乏深刻的社會洞察與剖析。主要的代表作品有《哈克貝利·費恩曆險記》（長篇）、《百萬英鎊》（短篇）等。
Night before last I had a singular dream. I seemed to be sitting on a doorstep（in no particular city perhaps）ruminating, and the time of night appeared to be about twelve or one o‘clock. The weather was balmy and delicious. There was no human sound in the air, not even a footstep. There was no sound of any kind to emphasize the dead stillness, except the occasional hollow barking of a dog in the distance and the fainter answer of a further dog. Presently up the street I heard a bony clack-clacking, and guessed it was the castanets of a serenading party. In a minute more a tall skeleton, hooded, and half clad in a tattered and moldy shroud, whose shreds were fapping aboutthe ribby latticework of its person, swung by me with a stately stride and disappeared in the gray gloom of the starlight. It had a broken and worm-eaten coffn on its shoulder and a bundle of something in its hand. I knew what the clack-clacking was then；it was this party’s joints working together, and his elbows knocking against his sides as he walked. I may say I was surprised. Before I could collect my thoughts and enter upon any speculations as to what this apparition might portend, I heard another one coming for I recognized his clack-clack. He had two-thirds of a coffin on his shoulder, and some foot and head boards under his arm. I mightily wanted, to peer under his hood and speak to him, but when he turned and smiled upon me with his cavernous sockets and his projecting grin as he went by, I thought I would not detain him. He was hardly gone when I heard the clacking again, and another one issued from the shadowy half-light. This one was bending under a heavy gravestone, and dragging a shabby coffn after him by a string. When he got to me he gave me a steady look for a moment or two, and then rounded to and backed up to me, saying：
“Ease this down for a fellow, will you?”
I eased the gravestone down till it rested on the ground, and in doing so noticed that it bore the name of“John Baxter Copmanhurst，”with“May，1839，”as the date of his death. Deceased sat wearily down by me, and wiped his frontal with his major maxillary-chiefy from former habit I judged, for I could not see that he brought away any perspiration.
“It is too bad, too bad，”said he, drawing the remnant of the shroud about him and leaning his jaw pensively on his hand. Then he put his left foot up on his knee and fell to scratching his anklebone absently with a rusty nail which he got out of his coffn.
“What is too bad, friend?”
“Oh, everything, everything. I almost wish I never had died.”
“You surprise me. Why do you say this?Has anything gone wrong?What is the matter?”
“Matter！Look at this shroud-rags. Look at this gravestone, all battered up. Look at that disgraceful old coffn. All a mans property going to ruin and destruction before his eyes, and ask him if anything is wrong?Fire and brimstone！”
“Calm yourself, calm yourself，”I said.“It is too bad-it is certainly too bad, but then I had not supposed that you would much mind such matters situated as you are.”
“Well, my dear sir, I do mind them. My pride is hurt, and my comfort is impaired-destroyed, I might say. I will state my case-I will put it to you in such a way that you can comprehend it, if you will let me，”said the poor skeleton, tilting the hood of his shroud back, as if he were clearing for action, and thus unconsciously giving himself a jaunty and festive air very much at variance with the grave character of his position in life-so to speak-and in prominent contrast with his distressful mood.
“Proceed，”said I.
“I reside in the shameful old graveyard a block or two above you here, in this street-there, now, I just expected that cartilage would let go！-third rib from the bottom, friend, hitch the end of it to my spine with a string, if you have got such a thing about you, though a bit of silver wire is a deal pleasanter, and more durable and becoming, if one keeps it polished-to think of shredding out and going to pieces in this way, just on account of the indifference and neglect of ones posterity！”-and the poor ghost grated his teeth in a way that gave me a wrench and a shiver-for the effect is mightily increased by the absence of muffing fesh and cuticle.“I reside in that oldgraveyard, and have for these thirty years；and I tell you things are changed since I frst laid this old tired frame there, and turned over, and stretched out for a long sleep, with a delicious sense upon me of being done with bother, and grief, and anxiety, and doubt, and fear, forever and ever, and listening with comfortable and increasing satisfaction to the sextons work, from the startling clatter of his frst spadeful on my coffn till it dulled away to the faint patting that shaped the roof of my new home-delicious！My！I wish you could try it tonight！”And out of my reverie deceased fetched me a rattling slap with a bony hand.
“Yes, sir, thirty years ago I laid me down there, and was happy. For it was out in the country then-out in the breezy, fowery, grand old woods, and the lazy winds gossiped with the leaves, and the squirrels capered over us and around us, and the creeping things visited us, and the birds flled the tranquil solitude with music. Ah, it was worth ten years of a mans life to be dead then！Everything was pleasant. I was in a good neighborhood, for all the dead people that lived near me belonged to the best families in the city. Our posterity appeared to think the world of us. They kept our graves in the very best condition；the fences were always in faultless repair, head-boards were kept painted or whitewashed, and were replaced with new ones as soon as they began to look rusty or decayed；monuments were kept upright, railings intact and bright, the rose-bushes and shrubbery trimmed, trained, and free from blemish, the walks clean and smooth and graveled. But that day is gone by. Our descendants have forgotten us. My grandson lives in a stately house built with money made by these old hands of mine, and I sleep in a neglected grave with invading vermin that gnaw my shroud to build them nests withal！I and friends that lie with me founded and secured the prosperity of this fne city, and the stately bantling of our loves leaves us to rot in a dilapidated cemetery which neighbors curse and strangers scoff at. See the difference between the old time and this-for instance：Our graves are all caved in now；our head-boards have rotted away and tumbled down；our railings reel this way and that, with one foot in the air, after a fashion of unseemly levity；our monuments lean wearily, and our gravestones bow their heads discouraged；there be no adornments any more-no roses, nor shrubs, nor graveled walks, nor anything that is a comfort to the eye；and even the paintless old board fence that did make a show of holding us sacred from companionship with beasts and the deflement of heedless feet, has tottered till it overhangs the street, and only advertises the presence of our dismal resting-place and invites yet more derision to it. And now we cannot hide our poverty and tatters in the friendly woods, for the city has stretched its withering arms abroad and taken us in, and all that remains of the cheer of our old home is the cluster of lugubrious forest trees that stand, bored and weary of a city life, with their feet in our coffns, looking into the hazy distance and wishing they were there. I tell you it is disgraceful！”
“You begin to comprehend-you begin to see how it is. While our descendants are living sumptuously on our money, right around us in the city, we have to fght hard to keep skull and bones together. Bless you, there isn‘t a grave in our cemetery that doesn’t leak not one. Every time it rains in the night we have to climb out and roost in the trees and sometimes we are wakened suddenly by the chilly water trickling down the back of our necks. Then I tell you there is a general heaving up of old graves and kicking over of old monuments, and scampering of old skeletons for the trees！Bless me, if you had gone along there some such nights after twelve you might have seenas many as ffteen of us roosting on one limb, with our joints rattling drearily and the wind wheezing through our ribs！Many a time we have perched there for three or four dreary hours, and then come down, stiff and chilled through and drowsy, and borrowed each other‘s skulls to bail out our graves with-if you will glance up in my mouth now as I tilt my head back, you can see that my head-piece is half full of old dry sediment how top-heavy and stupid it makes me sometimes！Yes, sir, many a time if you had happened to come along just before the dawn you’d have caught us bailing out the graves and hanging our shrouds on the fence to dry. Why, I had an elegant shroud stolen from there one morning-think a party by the name of Smith took it, that resides in a plebeian graveyard over yonder-I think so because the frst time I ever saw him he hadn‘t anything on but a check shirt, and the last time I saw him, which was at a social gathering in the new cemetery, he was the best-dressed corpse in the company-and it is a signifcant fact that he left when he saw me；and presently an old woman from here missed her coffin-she generally took it with her when she went anywhere, because she was liable to take cold and bring on the spasmodic rheumatism that originally killed her if she exposed herself to the night air much. She was named Hotchkiss-Anna Matilda Hotchkiss-you might know her?She has two upper front teeth, is tall, but a good deal inclined to stoop, one rib on the left side gone, has one shred of rusty hair hanging from the left side of her head, and one little tuft just above and a little forward of her right ear, has her underjaw wired on one side where it had worked loose, small bone of left forearm gone-lost in a fght has a kind of swagger in her gait and a’gallusway of going with：her arms akimbo and her nostrils in the air has been pretty free and easy, and is all damaged and battered up till she looks like a queensware crate in ruins-maybe youhave met her?”
“God forbid！”I involuntarily ejaculated, for somehow I was not looking for that form of question, and it caught me a little off my guard. But I hastened to make amends for my rudeness, and say，“I simply meant I had not had the honor-for I would not deliberately speak discourteously of a friend of yours. You were saying that you were robbed-and it was a shame, too-but it appears by what is left of the shroud you have on that it was a costly one in its day. How did……”
A most ghastly expression began to develop among the decayed features and shriveled integuments of my guest‘s face, and I was beginning to grow uneasy and distressed, when he told me he was only working up a deep, smile, with a wink in it, to suggest that about the time he acquired his present garment a ghost in a neighboring cemetery missed one. This reassured me, but I begged him to confne himself to speech thenceforth, because his facial expression was uncertain. Even with the most elaborate care it was liable to miss fire. Smiling should especially be avoided. What he might honestly consider a shining success was likely to strike me in a very different light. I said I liked to see a skeleton cheerful, even decorously playful, but I did not think smiling was a skeleton’s best hold.
“Yes, friend，”said the poor skeleton，“the facts are just as I have given them to you. Two of these old graveyards-the one that I resided in and one further along have been deliberately neglected by our descendants of today until there is no occupying them any longer. Aside from the osteological discomfort of it-and that is no light matter this rainy weather-the present state of things is ruinous to property. We have got to move or be content to see our effects wasted away and utterly destroyed.”
Now, you will hardly believe it, but it is true, nevertheless, that there isn‘t a single coffn in good repair among all my acquaintance-now that is an absolute fact. I do not refer to low people who come in a pine box mounted on an express-wagon, but I am talking about your high-toned, silver-mounted burial-case, your monumental sort, that travel under black plumes at the head of a procession and have choice of cemetery lots-I mean folks like the Jarvises, and the Bledsoes and the Burlings, and such. They are all about ruined. The most substantial people in our set, they were. And now look at them-utterly used up and poverty-stricken. One of the Bledsoes actually traded his monument to a late barkeeper for some fresh shavings to put under his head. I tell you it speaks volumes, for there is nothing a corpse takes so much pride in as his monument. He loves to read the inscription. He comes after a while to believe what it says himself, and then you may see him sitting on the fence night after night enjoying it. Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more. Now I don’t complain, but confdentially I do think it was a little shabby in my descendants to give me nothing but this old slab of a gravestone-and all the more that there isnt a compliment on it. It used to have：
GONE TO HIS JUST REWARD.
“On it, and I was proud when I first saw it, but by and by I noticed that whenever an old friend of mine came along he would hook his chin on the railing and pull a long face and read along down till he came to that, and then he would chuckle to himself and walk off, looking satisfied and comfortable. So I scratched it off to get rid of those fools. But a dead man always takes a deal of pride in his monument. Yonder goes half a dozen of the Jarvises now, withthe family monument along. And Smithers and some hired specters went by with his awhile ago. Hello, Higgins, good-by, old friend！That‘s Meredith Higgins-died in’44-belongs to our set in the cemetery-fne old family-great-grand mother was an Injun-I am on the most familiar terms with him he didn‘t hear me was the reason he didn’t answer me. And I am sorry, too, because I would have liked to introduce you. You would admire him. He is the most disjointed, sway-backed, and generally distorted old skeleton you ever saw, but he is full of fun. When he laughs it sounds like rasping two stones together, and he always starts it off with a cheery screech like raking a nail across a window-pane. Hey, Jones！That is old Columbus Jones-shroud cost four hundred dollars entire trousseau, including monument, twenty-seven hundred. This was in the spring of 1926.It was enormous style for those days. Dead people came all the way from the Alleghanies to see his things-the party that occupied the grave next to mine remembers it well. Now do you see that individual going along with a piece of a head-board under his arm, one leg-bone below his knee gone, and not a thing in the world on?That is Barstow Dalhousie, and next to Columbus Jones he was the most sumptuously outfitted person that ever entered our cemetery. We are all leaving. We cannot tolerate the treatment we are receiving at the hands of our descendants. They open new cemeteries, but they leave us to our ignominy. They mend the streets, but they never mend anything that is about us or belongs to us. Look at that coffn of mine-yet I tell you in its day it was a piece of furniture that would have attracted attention in any drawing-room in this city. You may have it if you want it-I can‘t afford to repair it. Put a new bottom in her, and part of a new top, and a bit of fresh lining along the left side, and you’ll find her about as comfortable as any receptacle of her species you ever tried. No thanksno, don‘t mention it you have been civil to me, and I would give you all the property I have got before I would seem ungrateful. Now this winding-sheet is a kind of a sweet thing in its way, if you would like to-No?Well, just as you say, but I wished to be fair and liberal there’s nothing mean about me. Good-by, friend, I must be going. I may have a good way to go tonight-don‘t know. I only know one thing for certain, and that is that I am on the emigrant trail now, and I’ll never sleep in that crazy old cemetery again. I will travel till I fend respectable quarters, if I have to hoof it to New Jersey. All the boys are going. It was decided in public conclave, last night, to emigrate, and by the time the sun rises there wont be a bone left in our old habitations. Such cemeteries may suit my surviving friends, but they do not suit the remains that have the honor to make these remarks. My opinion is the general opinion. If you doubt it, go and see how the departing ghosts upset things before they started. They were almost riotous in their demonstrations of distaste. Hello, here are some of the Bledsoes, and if you will give me a lift with this tombstone I guess I will join company and jog along with them-mighty respectable old family, the Bledsoes, and used to always come out in six-horse hearses and all that sort of thing ffty years ago when I walked these streets in daylight. Goodby, friend.”
And with his gravestone on his shoulder he joined the grisly procession, dragging his damaged coffn after him, for notwithstanding he pressed it upon me so earnestly, I utterly refused his hospitality. I suppose that for as much as two hours these sad outcasts went clacking by, laden with their dismal effects, and all that time I sat pitying them. One or two of the youngest and least dilapidated among them inquired about midnight trains on the railways, but the rest seemed unacquainted with that mode of travel, and merely asked aboutcommon public roads to various towns and cities, some of which are not on the map now, and vanished from it and from the earth as much as thirty years ago, and some few of them never had existed anywhere but on maps, and private ones in real-estate agencies at that. And they asked about the condition of the cemeteries in these towns and cities, and about the reputation the citizens bore as to reverence for the dead.
This whole matter interested me deeply, and likewise compelled my sympathy for these homeless ones. And it all seeming real, and I not knowing it was a dream, I mentioned to one shrouded wanderer an idea that had entered my head to publish an account of this curious and very sorrowful exodus, but said also that I could not describe it truthfully, and just as it occurred, without seeming to trife with a grave subject and exhibit an irreverence for the dead that would shock and distress their surviving friends. But this bland and stately remnant of a former citizen leaned him far over my gate and whispered in my ear, and said：
“Do not let that disturb you. The community that can stand such graveyards as those we are emigrating from can stand anything a body can say about the neglected and forsaken dead that lie in them.”
At that very moment a cock crowed, and the weird procession vanished and left not a shred or a bone behind. I awoke, and found myself lying with my head out of the bed and“sagging”downward considerably-a position favorable to dreaming dreams with morals in them, maybe, but not poetry.
NOTE.-The reader is assured that if the cemeteries in his town are kept in good order, this Dream is not leveled at his town at all, but is leveled particularly and venomously at the next town.
前天夜裏，我做了一個古怪的夢。夢裏的我坐在門前的台階上（我也不知道這是哪個城市）沉思，時間可能是夜裏12點或1點。天氣溫和宜人，四周寂靜無聲。除了遠處偶爾傳來的幾聲悠遠的狗叫，以及更遠處若有若無的狗吠回應外，再也聽不到任何其他聲音，四周一片死寂。不久，我聽到大街上傳來一陣類似骨頭摩擦的哢哢聲，我以為那是小夜曲演奏會上響板的聲音。不一會兒，一個高大的骷髏，戴著布帽，半裹著發黴的裹屍布——裹屍布的碎片和脫線在其軀體周圍吊著——邁著莊重的步伐，從我麵前走過，很快便消失在星光朦朧的夜幕裏。他的肩上扛著一口破舊且被蟲蛀了的棺材，手裏拿著一個包裹。我這才明白，哢哢聲原來是這具骷髏的關節以及他的手肘碰到身體發出的聲音。我驚詫不已，還沒來得及思考這個幽靈的出現究竟意味著，這個時候，我聽到另一陣哢哢聲，這預示著又一個幽靈向我走來。他扛著大半口棺材，腋下夾著頭腳兩端的木板。我極力想看清他帽子下的臉，和他說幾句話，但當他轉過身，用他那空洞無物的眼睛和突出的頜骨向我齜牙咧嘴地笑著走過的時候，我想還是不阻止他為妙。他剛走不遠，哢哢聲再次響起，昏暗中又有一具骷髏出現了，他弓著腰背著一個沉重的墓碑，身後用繩索拖著一口破爛的棺材。走到我跟前的時候，他盯住我看了一會兒，然後轉過身，對我說：
“幫我把這個卸下來，可以嗎？”
我幫他把墓碑卸下來放在地上，這時，我看到墓碑上刻著“約翰·巴克斯特·科普曼赫斯特，1839年5月”——這是他死亡的時間。死者疲倦地坐在我身邊，用他的上頜骨擦了一下他的前額骨——我想這大概是習慣使然吧，因為我沒有看見任何汗水被他擦下來。
“太糟糕了，真是太糟糕了！”他把身上破爛的裹屍布又裹了裹，用手托著下巴。然後，他抬起左腳，搭在右膝蓋上，用一顆從棺材裏拿出的鏽釘子若無其事地撓他的腳踝。
“什麽事情這麽糟，朋友？”
“噢，所有的事情，所有的事情，我真希望我沒有死。”
“太奇怪了，你為什麽這樣說呢？出了什麽問題？到底怎麽了？”
“怎麽了？看看這些裹屍布條，看看這個墓碑，都碎了。再看看這口丟人的破棺材。一個人的所有財產就在他的眼皮底下化為灰燼，你還問他怎麽了？地獄般的災難啊！”
“冷靜些，冷靜些，”我說，“太糟了，這的確很糟糕。不過，我沒想到，以你目前的狀況，你還會如此在乎這些事情。”
“唉，我親愛的先生，我當然在乎。我的自尊受到了傷害，我的舒適生活遭到了損害——或者說是被毀了。我要說說我的遭遇——我會用你能聽懂的方式講給你聽，如果你願意聽的話。”可憐的骷髏一邊說著，一邊把裹屍布上的帽子翻到腦後，像是在為陳述作準備，這也使他不知不覺換上了一副與他憂鬱的性情顯得格格不入的喜悅歡快的神態——換句話說吧——此時，他的神態與他悲傷的心情形成了鮮明的對比。
“請講。”我催促道。
“我住在離這大概一兩個街區外的一塊令人覺得羞恥的破舊墓地裏，就在這條街上——你瞧，我這塊軟骨都要掉下來了——從下麵數第三根肋骨，朋友，如果你有繩子，請把它的末端綁在我的脊椎骨上，雖說我更喜歡用銀線，更耐用更好看，如果讓它保持光潔——想想看，因為子孫們的冷漠忽視，它就這樣變成碎片了！”說到這裏，可憐的鬼魂把牙齒咬得咯咯作響。他的這個舉動令我毛骨悚然——因為在沒有皮膚和肌肉的情況下，這個動作的效果顯得更加突出。“我住在那個破舊的墓地已經整整30年了。告訴你吧，自從我這把老骨頭睡在那裏後，一切都變了。當時，我翻了翻身體，舒展四肢，開始大睡，心情非常愉快。心想，這下終於可以擺脫煩惱、悲傷、擔憂、疑慮和恐懼了。懷著安詳、滿足的心情，我聆聽著教堂司事的幹活聲，從他第一鏟土在我的棺材上發出巨大聲響，到這種聲音漸漸沉悶消失，直到最後為我的新居修建墳頂時發出的隱隱的拍土聲——簡直太愜意了！哎！希望今晚你也試一試！”我正思考的時候，死者突然用他那幹枯的手給了我一巴掌。
“是啊，先生，30年前我搬到那裏時，是很快樂的。因為當時，那個地方還處於偏遠的鄉下——那裏微風輕拂，花兒綻放，古木參天。慵懶的風和樹葉聊天，鬆鼠在我們周圍打鬧嬉戲，爬蟲拜訪我們，安寧靜謐的天地充滿了鳥兒的歌聲。在那樣的環境裏，一個人就算少活十年也值了。一切都那麽美好，我的鄰居們也很好，因為我周圍的人都來自城裏最好的家庭。我們的子孫們把一切都安排妥當，我們的墳墓被他們保護得非常好，籬笆修剪得一絲不苟。頭頂板是油漆或者粉飾的，隻要稍微褪色或是腐朽，他們就會給我們換新的。墓碑總是筆直地矗立在那裏，護欄完整無缺，亮閃閃的。玫瑰和灌木被修剪得整整齊齊，完美無瑕。牆壁使用礫石鑲嵌，幹淨光滑。但這些日子都過去了，我的後代忘記了我。我的孫子住在豪華的房屋裏，那可是用我這雙老手掙來的錢蓋起來的，而我卻睡在無人問津的荒墳裏，任臭蟲啃噬我的裹屍布。這些蟲子想用這東西給它們築窩。我跟我的鄰居們為這座美麗城市的繁榮打下了牢固的基礎，可我們熱愛的那些人卻任憑我們在這被鄉鄰詛咒、行人嘲笑的破墳裏腐爛。你明白從前和現在的不同了吧——比如說吧，我們的墳墓現在都塌了，我們的棺材靠頭一端的頂板都碎了，我們的護欄東倒西歪，一端斜翹著。我們的墓誌銘東倒西歪，而我們的墓碑則無精打采地低垂著。裝飾和點綴都沒了——沒有玫瑰，沒有灌木，沒有礫石小路或是任何其他順眼的東西，甚至那道沒有油漆過的用舊木板做的、用來幫我們隔開野獸和免受踐踏的籬笆，也已經歪歪斜斜地躺在馬路一邊了。現在，它唯一的作用就是向世人展示我們墓地的淒涼，從而招來更多的嘲笑。現在，我們無法再借助這片友好的樹林來遮掩我們的貧窮和破敗了，因為這座城市已經伸開它正在萎縮的胳膊，將我們攬了進去。我們昔日歡樂的舊居，現在隻剩下一些悲傷的大樹矗立在那裏。它們厭倦了都市的生活，它們的根伸進了我們的棺材裏，它們凝望著模糊的遠方，希望能生長在那裏。告訴你吧，這簡直就是莫大的恥辱！”
“你開始了解了吧——你開始明白現在的情況了吧。當我們的後代在我們身邊的城市裏窮奢極欲地揮霍我們的錢財時，我們卻不得不拚命保全自己的殘軀。老天，我們的墳墓沒有一座不漏水的——哪怕有一座也好啊。每當夜裏下雨的時候，我們就隻能爬出來，睡在樹上——有時候冰冷的雨水流進後脖頸，我們就會被驚醒。告訴你，此時所有的老骷髏都不得不頂起墓蓋，踢翻墓碑，忙著往樹上爬！上帝，在這樣的夜晚裏，如果你12點以後去那裏，你就會看到有15個之多的骷髏，單腿掛在樹上，各個關節發出哢哢的響聲，任由狂風吹過我們的肋骨。多少次，我們不得不在樹上待三四個小時，直到凍僵了才能下來。大家非常困乏，還要借彼此的顱骨把墳墓裏的水舀出來。如果你現在朝我的嘴巴裏瞧一瞧，我把頭往後一仰，你就會看到我頭顱的一半已經塞滿了積澱的水垢——有時候這讓我感到頭重腳輕，愚蠢至極！是啊，先生，許多次，如果你湊巧在黎明前趕到那裏，你就會發現我們正從墳墓裏往外舀水，而籬笆上則正晾著我們的裹屍布。我曾有一塊像樣的裹屍布，就是有一天早晨在那裏被偷走的。我想可能是那個名叫史密斯的人幹的。這個人住在那邊的平民墓地裏——之所以這麽說，是因為我初次見到他的時候，他隻穿著一件格子襯衫，可是我最近一次看到他，在新墓地的一次聚會上，他是來賓中穿著最體麵的——更重要的是，他一看見我就離開了。然後，一位老婦人的棺材也不見了——她出去的時候一般都帶著棺材，因為她待在外邊的時間長了容易著涼，引起**性風濕病發作，她本來就是因此而死的。她叫霍奇基斯——安娜·馬蒂爾德·霍奇基斯——也許你認識她。她有兩顆上門牙，個子挺高，但是背有些駝，左邊一根肋骨沒了，一綹頭發耷拉在腦袋左邊，一小撮在頭頂上，還有幾根在右耳朵前邊。她的下頜骨一邊鬆了，用鐵絲拴著，左前臂的小骨頭早不見了——是在一次打架中失去的——走起路來一副盛氣淩人的樣子，雙手像背帶似的叉在腰間，鼻孔朝天——她一直一副得意揚揚的樣子，可現在一切全都毀了，全都沒了。而她看上去就像是廢墟堆裏裝女王陶的板條箱——或許你見過她？”
“但願沒有！”我無意中脫口而出。不知為什麽，我沒有想到他會這麽問，這讓我有點兒始料不及，但我急忙為自己的無禮道歉，我說：“我的意思僅僅是說我沒有這樣的榮幸——因為我不會故意粗魯地談論你的朋友。你剛說你被搶劫了——真是遺憾——但是從你身上的這塊舊裹屍布來看，當年它是相當值錢的，怎麽會——”
眼前這位老人腐爛的麵孔和凹凸不平的臉皮上浮現出一種極度恐慌的表情，我開始感到惴惴不安。他回答我的時候，隻是深沉而狡黠地笑了笑，眨了眨眼睛，說可能在他得到身上這件衣服的時候，鄰居墓園裏的一個鬼丟了一件。他的這話消除了我的顧慮。不過，我求他從現在起就用語言和我交流，因為他的麵部表情變幻無常，即使他再仔細、再留心也無濟於事，微笑尤其要注意避免。他所堅信的、非凡的成功會給我完全不同的感受。我說我喜歡看到一具骷髏高興的樣子，甚至是有教養的頑皮樣子，但是我認為微笑不是一具骷髏最佳的神情。
“是啊，朋友，”可憐的骷髏說，“事實就是這樣。其中兩處破敗的墓地——我住過的那一處和更遠的那處——被我們的後代故意冷落。現在，那裏已經沒有死人住了。除了這一把骨頭不得安生之外——在下雨天這絕不是一樁小事——目前的狀況對我們的財產極為不利。我們不得不搬走，否則隻能眼睜睜地看著我們的財產慘遭損壞，直至完全被毀。”
“可能你不相信，但在我認識的人當中，真的沒有人有一口完整的棺材——這絕對不假。我指的不是那些被裝在鬆木匣子裏、放在特快四輪馬車上拉來的下等人，而是指那些高貴的、有漂亮的鍍銀棺木和紀念碑的人。他們剛剛搬到這裏的時候，車頂上飄著黑色羽毛，一隊人緊隨其後，他們可以自由選擇墓地——我是指比如賈維斯家族、布萊索家族和伯林家族等。他們的財產也全都被毀了。他們曾經是我們這些人中最富有的，可是現在你看看他們——一切都沒了，窮困潦倒。布萊索家族竟然有人拿紀念碑向後來的一位酒吧老板換了一點兒新鮮的刨木花，墊在自己的頭底下。看吧，這很能說明問題，因為沒有什麽比一塊紀念碑更讓一個死人感到自豪的了。他愛看上麵的文字，不久以後，他自己都相信上麵的話了，你會見他整晚坐在籬笆上美美地欣賞呢。紀念碑雖然不貴，但是在一個可憐的人死了以後，那可是一種不可多得的奢侈，尤其是在他生前鬱鬱不得誌的情況下。我希望能多做一些紀念碑。現在，我這樣說並不是想抱怨什麽，但我私下認為，我的後代們隻給我這塊舊墓碑，實在是有些寒磣。更令人傷心的是，上麵竟然沒有一句頌揚之辭。”碑上曾經寫著這麽一句話：
“死得其所。”
“第一次看到這句話時，我很自豪。可是不久我就發現，當我的一位老朋友來到這裏時，他都會把下頜搭在護欄上，拉長臉往下看。一看到這裏，他就咯咯地笑起來，然後離開，似乎很滿意。所以，我把那句話刮掉，不讓這些笨蛋來看。但是，一個死人總是為他的紀念碑感到自豪。那邊走的是六七個賈維斯家族的人，隨身帶著他們的家族紀念碑。剛才，史密斯家族和一些受雇的鬼魂拿著他的紀念碑也一起從這裏過去了。你好，希金斯，再見，老朋友！那是梅雷迪思·希金斯。他死於1944年，是我們墓地的，來自光榮顯赫的古老家族，曾祖母是印第安人。我跟他最熟，他沒有答應我，那是因為他沒有聽見我的話。不好意思，本來我想把你介紹給他，你會敬佩他的。他將是你所見過的骨架最散亂、後背最駝、最畸形的一具老骷髏，可是他非常滑稽，笑聲就像是兩塊石頭在一起刮擦發出的聲音，開始笑的時候總是快活地高聲尖叫，就像一根釘子刮過玻璃。喂，瓊斯！那是老哥倫布·瓊斯，一塊裹屍布就花了400美元。全部隨葬品，連紀念碑一起，一共2700美元，那是1926年春天的事。在那個年頭，這可是相當氣派的。死人們甚至從阿裏漢尼斯河趕來參觀他的東西。葬在我鄰墓的那些人至今還清楚地記得。看見那個腋下夾著一塊頂板從這兒走過的人嗎？他膝蓋下的一塊腿骨沒了，身上一絲不掛。那就是巴斯托·戴爾哈西，他華貴的穿戴在我們墓地曾經僅次於哥倫布·瓊斯。我們都要離開這裏，無法忍受在後代手裏遭受這樣的待遇。他們開辟新的墓地，卻讓我們忍受這樣的恥辱；他們整修街道，卻從來不整修我們周圍或是屬於我們的東西。看看我的棺材——告訴你，那個年代，這可是在任何客廳都會吸引眼球的東西。你想要的話，就拿走吧——我可沒錢修了。給它換一塊新底板，頂板換一部分新的，左側再加一點兒新的襯墊，你就會發現它跟你用過的所有器物一樣，很舒服。別客氣——不，不用客氣——你對我很客氣，在我覺得你不領情之前，我願意把我所有的財產都給你。瞧，這身裹屍布其實是很好的東西。如果你想——不要？那好吧，隨便你，但我還是大方一些——我這人一點兒也不小氣。再見，朋友，我要走了，今晚我還要走好遠的路呢——誰知道呢？不過，有件事我很明白，那就是我已經是流浪漢了，我徹底告別那塊破敗的墓地了。在找到體麵的住處之前，我要不停地走，哪怕一直走到新澤西州去。我們那一塊的人都要走了。昨晚大家秘密商議，我們都決定離開，天亮之前，一根骨頭也不留在老墓地。這樣的墓地對我那些活著的朋友合適，可對我們這些有幸說這番話的死人不合適。我的觀點是大多數人的觀點。要是懷疑，你就去看看那些將要離開的鬼魂出發前的混亂程度吧。他們在宣泄自己的厭惡時差點兒要暴動了。嗨！過來的是一些布萊索家族的人，不知道你能不能幫我扶一下這塊墓碑，我想和他們結伴而行，一起走——布萊索家族是非常尊貴的古老家族。50年前，當我白天在街道上散步的時候，他們總是坐在6匹馬拉的豪華馬車裏，顯赫一時。再見，朋友。”
他扛著墓碑，拖著那口破舊的棺材，加入了這一恐怖的行列。盡管他誠心誠意，我還是婉拒了他的好意。這些可憐的流浪漢帶著他們可憐的財物哢嚓哢嚓地從我的身邊走過，超過兩小時。懷著對他們遭遇的深切同情，我一直坐在那裏。他們中間有一兩個最年輕、最完整的死人向我打聽午夜火車的發車時間，但其餘的死人可能還不熟悉這種旅行方式，隻是向我詢問前往各個城市的路，包括那些已經從地圖上消失了的。30多年前，它們就從地圖和地球上永遠消失了，有幾條也隻是存在於從前的地圖或者一些房地產公司的圖紙上。他們還詢問這些市鎮的墓地環境，以及該地市民是不是敬重死者等問題。
這件事引起了我極大的興趣，同樣也激起我對這些無家可歸的流浪者的同情。所有的一切都顯得那麽真實，以至於我根本都沒有意識到這隻是個夢。於是，我向一位裹著裹屍布的流浪漢說出了我的想法：記錄並發表這次奇特而悲壯的大逃亡，同時我也說，我的描述不可能非常確切，就像真實發生過的事情那樣，隻要看上去不是在敷衍一個嚴肅的話題，或者表現對死者的大不敬，那就足夠了。否則，我會驚動他們那些活著的朋友，讓他們感到悲傷。然而，這位前公民溫和而莊嚴的殘骸遠遠地靠在我的門前，對我耳語說：
“別為那件事自找麻煩了。社區既然能夠容忍那片讓我們紛紛逃離的墓地，自然也能夠忍受一個人對死者受到的忽視和遺棄所發出的控訴。”
就在這個時候，公雞一聲啼鳴，鬼魂隊伍一下子消失了，一片破布、一根骨頭都沒有留下。我醒了過來，發現自己躺在**，頭低垂著伸在床外，臉朝下——這是很適合做夢的姿勢。這種夢可能很有內涵，可能吧，但絕不會有詩情畫意。
注：讀者們如果確信自己城市裏的墓地被維護得很好，這個夢所針對的就肯定不是他們的城市。顯而易見，它是蓄意針對其他城市的。
知識點
懸疑小說是具有神秘特性的推理文學，可以喚起人們的本能，刺激人們的好奇心。
它比較注重故事的發展過程，注重渲染各種氣氛，使讀者以更為緊張的心理狀態去關注小說主人公的個人命運，對人類的心理世界有著深刻的領悟，為他們的各種遭遇擔驚受怕。懸疑小說的最大特色在於對環境氣氛的渲染。
W詞匯筆記
ruminate[ru：m?，neit]v.沉思；反複思考；反芻
例 He sat by the window ruminating on the maths problem.
他坐在窗旁反複思考這道數學題。
speculation[，spekjulei??n]n.推測；思考；投機活動；投機買賣
例 That is merely speculation.
那隻是猜測。
jaunty[d??：nti]adj.快活的；活潑的；得意揚揚的；感到自信和自滿的
例 He walked with a jaunty step.
他得意揚揚地走著。
posterity[p?steriti]n.後代；子孫；後裔
例 Posterity will remember him as a truly great man.
他的子孫永遠不會忘記他是個真正的偉人。
S小試身手
我們的墓誌銘東倒西歪，而我們的墓碑則無精打采地低垂著。
譯________________________________________
當我們的後代在我們身邊的城市裏窮奢極欲地揮霍我們的錢財時，我們卻不得不拚命保全自己的殘軀。
譯________________________________________
這件事引起了我極大的興趣，同樣也激起我對這些無家可歸的流浪者的同情。
譯________________________________________
P短語家族
……just on account of the indifference and neglect of ones posterity！
on account of：由於；因為；為了……的緣故
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But a good deal inclined to stoop……
incline to：傾向於……；向……傾斜
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