My first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O’Haire to talk. My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking and to avoid verbal fights.
Mr. O’Haire became one of the star salesmen for the White Motor Company in New York.
How did he do it？ Here is his story in his own words： “If I walk into a buyer’s office now and he says， ‘What？ A White truck？ They’re no good！ I wouldn’t take one if you gave it to me. I’m going to buy the Whose-It truck.’ I say， ‘The Whose-It is a good truck. If you buy the Whose-It， you’ll never make a mistake. The Whose-Its are made by a fine company and sold by good people.’
“He is speechless then. There is no room for an argument. If he says the Whose-It is best and I say sure it is， he has to stop. He can’t keep on all afternoon saying， ‘It’s the best’ when I’m agreeing with him. We then get off the subject of Whose-It and I begin to talk about the good points of the White truck.
“There was a time when a remark like his first one would have made me see scarlet and red and orange. I would start arguing against the Whose-It； and the more I argued against it， the more my prospect argued in favor of it； and the more he argued， the more he sold himself on my competitor’s product.
“As I look back now I wonder how I was ever able to sell anything. I lost years of my life in scrapping and arguing. I keep my mouth shut now. It pays.”
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say， “If you argue and rankle and contradict， you may achieve a victory sometimes； but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”
So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have， an academic， theatrical victory or a person’s good will？ You can seldom have both.
Frederick S. Parsons， an income tax consultant， had been disputing and wrangling for an hour with a goverment tax inspector. An item of nine thousand dollars was at stake. Mr. Parsons claimed that this nine thousand dollars was in reality a bad debt， that it would never be collected， that it ought not to be taxed. “Bad debt， my eye！” retorted the inspector. “It must be taxed. ”
“This inspector was cold， arrogant and stubborn，” Mr. Parsons said as he told the story to the class. Reason was wasted and so were facts... The longer we argued， the more stubborn he became. So I decided to avoid argument， change the subject， and give him appreciation.
“I said， ‘I suppose this is a very petty matter in comparison with the really important and difficult decisions you’re required to make. I’ve made a study of taxation myself. But I’ve had to get my knowledge from books. You are getting yours from the firing line of experience. I sometime wish I had a job like yours. It would teach me a lot.’ I meant every word I said.”
“Well.” The inspector straightened up in his chair， leaned back， and talked for a long time about his work， telling me of the clever frauds he had uncovered. His tone gradually became friendly， and presently he was telling me about his children. As he left， he advised me that he would consider my problem further and give me his decision in a few days.
“He called at my office three days later and informed me that he had decided to leave the tax return exactly as it was filed.”
This tax inspector was demonstrating one of the most common of human frailties. He wanted a feeling of importance； and as long as Mr. Parsons argued with him， he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority. But as soon as his importance was admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted to expand his ego， he became a sympathetic and kindly human being.
多年前，帕特裏克？歐？海瑞參加了我的成人教育班。帕特文化水平不高，卻很喜歡和人爭論。他曾做過司機，之所以來向我求助，是因為他推銷卡車沒能成功。這是由一個小問題引發的——他總是不斷地與客戶爭論而觸怒他們。一旦對方對他銷售的汽車稍有不滿，帕特便會喋喋不休，沒完沒了。那段時期，帕特贏了不少場爭論。正如他後來對我所說的那樣：“我常常走出辦公室便自言自語道：‘我好好地教訓了他。’我確實教訓了他，可我沒有賣出想賣的車。”
我首先需要解決的不是教帕特如何去說話，最緊迫的是，我要幫他克製自己，避免爭吵。
如今，歐？海瑞已經是紐約懷特汽車公司的銷售明星。
他是如何做到的呢？讓我們聽聽他自己是怎麽說的：“如果我現在向某個客戶推銷，而他說：‘什麽？懷特汽車？懷特汽車一點兒也不好。就算你白給我一輛，我也不會要的。我想買一輛胡佛牌汽車。’我就會說：‘胡佛牌的汽車確實是好汽車，如果你選擇了那個牌子，肯定是不會錯的。胡佛汽車是由知名廠家生產的，他們的銷售人員也很出色。’”
“這樣，他就沒什麽可說的了。根本沒有爭吵的空間。如果他說那個是最好的品牌，我隨即表示認可，他就無言以對了。當我認同時，他不可能整個下午都談論胡佛汽車的優點。當我們繞開話題時，我就會開始談論懷特汽車的好處。”
“要是在以前，隻要他剛一說出剛才那樣的話，我就會變得暴跳如雷，一味地挑剔胡佛汽車的缺點。我越是爭吵，就會越有利於胡佛汽車；而客戶呢，他越是爭吵，就越容易買我競爭對手的車。”
“現在回首往事，我懷疑自己賣不了任何東西。我把自己的生命浪費在爭吵之中。我現在學會了閉住嘴巴，並且從中受益匪淺。”
就像聰明的富蘭克林所言：“假如你喜歡喋喋不休，爭強好勝，那麽你也許偶爾會贏。可是這種勝利沒有什麽實際意義，因為你永遠獲得不了對方的好感。”
所以，好好地反省一下自己。理論上虛假的勝利和一個人發自內心的好感，你會選擇哪一種呢？你不可能同時擁有。
因為一筆9，000美元的重要賬目，個人所得稅顧問弗雷德裏克？佩森與一名政府稅務稽查員爭論了將近一個小時。佩森聲稱，這9，000美元是呆賬，根本不可能收上來，所以不應該征收所得稅。而那位頑固的稽查員說：“不可能，一定要征收。”
佩森在課堂上對學生們講述道：“那位稽查員是一個驕傲、自大、頑固的人。”解釋根本沒有作用……事實上，我們越是爭吵，他就越頑固。所以，我就不再與他爭吵，試著轉變話題，表示理解他的工作。
“我說：‘與你處理的那些極其重要而困難的事相比，這件事情根本不值一提。我隻是自學了稅務，而且僅僅局限於書本，而你的稅務知識全憑實踐而來。說實話，我十分羨慕你的工作，它可以教會我很多東西。’”
“哦。”那位稽查員直起身跟我談了很久。關於他的工作——他告訴了我許多工作中的技巧。他的語氣變得緩和了許多，後來還談起了自己的孩子。臨走時，他告訴我，他會仔細考慮一下我的問題，並在幾天內給我答複。
“三天後，我在辦公室裏接到了他的電話。他通知我，那筆所得稅不征收了。”
人性中最常見的弱點在這位稽查員的身上得到了很好的驗證。他想得到被重視的感覺。所以，當佩森先生與他爭吵時，他固執地展示權威來找到被重視的感覺。然而，一旦重視感得到滿足，爭吵停止，便會展現出他寬容、溫和的一麵。
心靈小語
爭吵是無用的，它往往讓雙方更堅定自己的立場。
記憶填空
1. Pat won a lot of__ in those days，__ he said to me afterward，“I often walked out of an office saying，‘I told that bird__.’Sure I had told him something， but I hadn’t__ him anything.”
2. “As I look back now I__ how I was ever able to sell anything. I__ years of my life in scrapping and arguing. I keep my mouth__ now. It pays.”